pacing & processing

so:

the first few days, i remarked how unbelievably casual this all felt. it didn't feel like doing a big special thing, it just kinda felt like living my life, which, i thought, was probably a good thing. 

i'm now on day 10. i have nothing booked except where i'm sleeping tonight. i was thinking of going to another island tomorrow, which the internet has called 'like bali, but with fewer tourists'. but i'm kind of craving DOING SOMETHING. i finished my orangutan tour two days ago, which gave me a lot to think about, but because of visa weirdness, i don't have any more primate things planned until september. 

if you know me well, you know that i am not good at vacation. doing nothing is not fun for me and makes me feel useless. so, the idea of not doing anything primate related for the next little while is kind of daunting. i hate that i find lazing around a beach daunting, but here we are. helpful people in my life have suggested that i spend time forming questions and reading relevant texts, which is definitely helping, but i think i am just not used to not being in school. my brain is all nothinged out from being on vacation for two months in montreal and it is thirsty for stimulation. this has led to a lot of picture taking and journaling and voice memo-ing, but also a lot of sleeping so i don't have to deal with being idle. sometimes i count in bahasa in my head to practice. but i can only do that for so long.

satu dua tiga empat lima enam tujuh delampan sembilan sepuluh sebelas dua belas tiga belas

over and over

i am drinking a cold brew and i don't know if the quality of the beans is incredible or they added something to it, but it tastes so fruity like iced tea. trying to resist watching princess diaries 2 in this coffeeshop. i feel a little bad for being in the bougie coffeeshop but i don't get wifi on my laptop in the hostel, so sue me. there's a sign in here that says 'life begins at the end of your comfort zone' and i want to snap it in two.