selected excerpts about bali

i've been reflecting a lot on aesthetics and visuals. tourism is a visual endeavour; we generally travel to look at things. i've been trying to focus on other senses: taste, touch, sounds, and smells. the smell of my water bottle, which smells like my maasai homestay. the taste of spicy peanut sauce. the sound of roosters in my neighbourhood. the feeling of leaves against my skin as i traipse through the forest looking for monkeys to test on. and i try to see things that aren't beaches and views. i see the colour of my skin changing slowly. i see the women selling bracelets for a living. i see the hundreds of people taking the same picture in front of the pink flowers at the temple. and yet, for some reason, i still want one.

*it has been too long since i've written. bali has been an interesting experience. i got here on the 26th and arrived in kuta, where i ate 7 pancakes, did karaoke, went to a club, and familiarized myself with the cultish group sometimes known as 'bali bums'. young adults from australia, europe, and america will flock to bali, volunteer at a hostel, and just live out their days drinking and surfing and fucking and lazing on the beach. it's truly bizarre. and problematic. their presence, and the presence of more conventional tourists, attracts foreign business. i was chatting with an old woman on the beach about how all of the restaurants and salons on the beach are foreign-owned. "chinese, russians, and australians," she says. she paints my toe nails white with sticky, old polish. a javanese woman asks me if my eyes are natural. i walk further along the beach through the stores all selling the same fare: crocheted shirts, long dresses, woven purses. a woman tells me she hasn't sold anything in several days. i don't have enough money on me to purchase anything i want, so i give her 2000. i am constantly on the fence about being scammed and being generous. the line between them is thin.

*i watched a monkey brush over a cut and realized i'd done the same thing on a scratch i'd gotten from a thorny branch in the forest. just gingerly brushed over it with my thumb. the resemblance was uncanny. it made me think about the fact that what is most similar between us is the unconscious. not the thought patterns or the intentions, but the way we carry ourselves, tend to our wounds, nurse our young. those are the things that really alarm me in their similarity between humans and non-human primates.

*spiritual tourists: dreadlocks. namaste. ecstatic dance. cacao ceremony. yoga barn. spiritual wellness. women's circles. full moon. vegan raw gluten-free deadly-nightshade-free paleo. i danced among them and understood, but also didn't understand. why here? why take up this space? weirdly, modern ecstatic dance became popularized in north america from the esalen institute -- a place i learned about in a mostly useless class i took. we took our version of a thing and brought it to a place where they have their own version of that thing and we are doing our respective things separately.

why. here.

digital nomads: learn to start your dream business. find your dream life. live in paradise and make money. leadership training. public speaking. capitalism, but add a coconut. digital nomad community. learning to firewalk will make you a better business man. not sure how. "full-time traveller"

standard tourists: bali swing. instagrammable meals. beaches. happy hour. australian. night club. i went to one such night club and started writing in my journal. an australian boy asked what i was writing and proceeded to spend 45 minutes reading my journal (with my permission). he told me his favourite movie was 500 days of summer, which you will know is ironic if you've ever heard me (or the internet) talk about the manic pixie dream girl trope. crocheted tops and woven bags and shirts with the bintang logo. "here for a good time, not a long time"

uluwatu monkeys: theives. battered and bruised. corn and bananas. know you want your sunglasses back and are going to make you work for it. sometimes, they throw phones off cliffs. hate passionfruit. friends with the bracelet makers. bright purple sarongs and orange sashes. Alex, the cleft-lipped dope. Divine, the queen among them. Old Stumpy Lumps. temple on a cliff by the sea. fed peanuts by tourists. given cigarettes by tourists.

ubud monkeys: exercise. enrichment. big forest. selfies that look like the monkey took them. a blind monkey and a two-limbed monkey living together. informational signs telling you not to feed them. monkey mural. monkey cocktail. monkey restaurant. monkey statue. sacred. commercialized. healthy-looking. wise-looking.